Losing a spouse is one of life’s most profound heartbreaks, often leaving individuals pondering one of life’s most challenging questions: When is the right time to remarry? The decision to marry again after such a loss isn’t just a personal choice; it’s deeply rooted in history, faith, and societal evolution. Understanding the journey of marriage through the ages can illuminate the path forward, helping you navigate your feelings and convictions with clarity and confidence.
In this article, we’ll explore the rich history of marriage from the Old Testament through modern times, examining how perceptions and practices have evolved. We’ll also delve into biblical teachings about remarriage, societal changes over the last 500 years, and practical considerations for those contemplating tying the knot again. Whether you’re grieving or considering a new chapter, this comprehensive guide aims to provide clarity, encouragement, and insight. By the end, you'll be better equipped to decide when — or if — it’s the right time to remarry.
The History of Marriage in the Hebrew Scriptures Marriage in the Old Testament was more than a union of two individuals; it was a foundational social, spiritual, and economic institution. Ancient Israelite marriages were primarily arranged, often by families, to strengthen alliances, secure financial stability, or preserve lineage. For example, the story of Abraham and Sarah highlights God's blessing on marriage as a divine covenant—“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This verse underscores marriage’s spiritual significance, emphasizing unity and divine intention. Marriage also served as a means of inheritance and social stability. The biblical patriarchs—Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—married multiple wives to ensure the continuation of their lineage, which was integral to their cultural and spiritual identity. Polygamy was prevalent, and the stories of these biblical figures often reflect complex family dynamics, such as rivalry and favoritism, which were accepted parts of societal norms at the time. Religious laws codified in Leviticus and Deuteronomy emphasized the importance of marriage, purity, and lineage. Marriages were often celebrated with elaborate ceremonies, and wives held a respected, though sometimes subordinate, role within the household. Marriages in biblical times also carried religious obligations; they were seen as covenants made before God, emphasizing loyalty, faithfulness, and divine blessing. Why did people marry in the Old Testament? Primarily for survival, cultural continuity, and religious obedience. Marriage was a way to fulfill God's commandments, establish kinship networks, and secure societal stability. These ancient practices laid the groundwork for understanding marriage’s divine and social importance—an understanding that still influences many faith-based communities today.
Marriage in the New Testament Times Fast forward to the New Testament era, and marriage takes on new dimensions, influenced by Jesus’ teachings and the early Christian community. Jesus' ministry introduced a radical perspective on marriage, emphasizing its sacredness and the importance of faithfulness. In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus reminds his followers, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” His emphasis was on the enduring unity of marriage as a divine institution. In the early Christian church, marriage was still recognized as a sacred union, but it was also subject to more spiritual considerations. Paul’s writings, especially in 1 Corinthians 7, highlight the importance of mutual respect and fidelity. Paul encourages believers to consider remaining single to dedicate themselves more fully to God, but he also affirms marriage as a legitimate and honorable institution. Marriage during this period was also influenced by Greco-Roman customs, which brought their complexities—divorce was relatively easy, and societal expectations often clashed with Christian ideals of love and fidelity. The early church grappled with these issues, advocating for a higher standard rooted in Christ’s teachings. The New Testament’s perspective on remarriage is nuanced. Jesus’ teachings suggest that divorce was permitted in cases of infidelity but also emphasized the sanctity and permanence of marriage. In John 2:1-11, Jesus performed his first miracle at a Cana wedding, symbolizing marriage's importance as a joyful, divine gift. What’s compelling here is that, even in turbulent times, the biblical narrative underscores marriage as a reflection of divine love. This bond should be entered with reverence, faithfulness, and spiritual commitment.
What Did Jesus Say About Marriage? Jesus’ teachings on marriage are foundational for understanding Christian views on this sacred institution. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus emphasized marriage's divine origin, sanctity, and permanence, highlighting its importance as part of God's original plan for humanity. One of the most significant passages is found in Matthew 19:4-6, where Jesus responds to questions about divorce and remarriage: “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” This statement underscores that marriage is a divine union established by God and intended to be lifelong. For a deeper understanding of this passage and its implications, you can explore GotQuestions.org’s explanation of Matthew 19. Another key teaching is found in Mark 10:9, where Jesus reinforces the idea of divine permanence: “Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” This verse emphasizes that marriage is a sacred bond created by God, and humans should honor and preserve it. For further insights on Jesus’ teachings about marriage and divorce, BibleGateway’s commentary provides valuable context. In John 2:1-11, Jesus performs His first miracle at a wedding in Cana, turning water into wine. This event highlights the celebratory and divine aspects of marriage: “This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him.” This miracle underscores that Jesus valued marriage as a joyful, sacred union. To learn more about the significance of this event, check out Desiring God’s article on John 2. In summary, Jesus taught that marriage is a divine institution rooted in God's original design, emphasizing its permanence, sacredness, and importance as a reflection of divine love. His teachings call believers to respect and uphold the marriage covenant, recognizing it as a sacred bond established by God Himself.
How Marriage Has Changed Over the Last 500 Years Marriage has undergone profound transformations over the past five centuries—socially, culturally, and legally. During the Renaissance and Enlightenment eras, marriage shifted from a strategic alliance to a partnership based on love and personal choice. Thinkers like John Locke and Jean-Jacques Rousseau championed individual rights and emotional bonds, influencing societal views on marriage. The Industrial Revolution further altered the landscape. As people moved to cities for work, marriage became less about economic necessity and more about companionship and personal fulfillment. This shift was reflected in the increasing prevalence of love-based marriages, a stark contrast to the arranged unions of earlier centuries. Fast forward to the 20th and 21st centuries, and marriage has become increasingly flexible. Laws around divorce and remarriage have expanded, and societal acceptance of diverse relationship structures has grown. Legalizing same-sex marriage in many countries exemplifies this evolution, emphasizing individual rights and equality. However, these changes also raise questions about the stability and purpose of marriage. Is marriage still rooted in spiritual or societal obligation, or has it become more about personal happiness? Some scholars argue that modern marriage reflects shifting values—prioritizing personal fulfillment over traditional duties—while others see it as an evolution towards a more authentic, love-centered institution. So, how does this historical evolution influence your decision to remarry after experiencing loss? Recognizing the societal shifts can help you determine what aligns with your values and emotional readiness.
Deciding When to Remarry After Losing a Spouse Deciding to remarry after losing a spouse is profoundly personal and complex. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but understanding the biblical, historical, and societal perspectives can help you make an informed choice. First, consider your emotional readiness. Grief is a process, and rushing into a new relationship may hinder healing. Take time to mourn, reflect, and understand what you truly want. Many experts, such as grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt, advise that it’s essential to reach a point of emotional stability before considering remarriage. Second, reflect on your faith and spiritual beliefs. For some, spiritual guidance provides clarity—what does your faith say about remarriage? In the Bible, Jesus’ teachings on marriage emphasize its sacredness and the importance of commitment. For example, in Matthew 19:9, Jesus states, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” This highlights the seriousness of remarriage and the importance of divine approval. Third, consider your current circumstances—financial stability, children, and social support. Remarriage can bring joy but also new challenges. Evaluating whether you can build a healthy, supportive partnership is wise. Fourth, seek counsel from trusted advisors—whether religious leaders, counselors, or family members. Their insights can offer valuable perspectives and help you navigate your feelings. Lastly, ask yourself—what are your motivations? Are you seeking companionship, healing, or a new sense of purpose? Honest self-reflection can prevent impulsive decisions and ensure your choice aligns with your values.
Would you consider remarriage if the right person came along? Or do you feel your healing journey requires more time? Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear your perspective.
Five Reasons Why Older Couples May Decide Not to Remarry1. Emotional Healing and Stability
After experiencing the loss of a spouse, many older individuals find that focusing on their healing process is most beneficial. Rushing into a new marriage might hinder their ability to grieve appropriately and process their emotions. Time to heal allows them to find peace and emotional stability before considering a new partnership. According to grief experts like David Kessler, healing from loss is a personal journey that shouldn't be rushed.
2. Contentment with Life and Independence
Many seniors find fulfillment and contentment in their current stage of life—whether through hobbies, family, faith, or personal growth. They may feel they are complete and do not desire the complications or commitments of remarriage. Embracing independence can lead to peace and self-sufficiency, a valid and healthy choice.
3. Concerns About Changing Dynamics
Remarrying later in life can introduce complex emotional and practical challenges, particularly if children or grandchildren are involved. Blending families or navigating new household routines can be stressful and sometimes disruptive to existing relationships. For some, maintaining the status quo is a way to preserve harmony and avoid unnecessary upheaval.
4. Focus on Spiritual or Personal Priorities
Many older adults’ faith or personal convictions may influence their decision. They might believe that their current state aligns with their spiritual journey, or they may interpret biblical teachings as encouraging patience and trust in God's plan. Some see their current stage as an opportunity for spiritual growth, service, or deepening their relationship with God without the added responsibilities of remarriage.
5. Recognition of the Emotional and Physical Demands
Remarriage can involve emotional, physical, and financial commitments that may feel daunting at an advanced age. Concerns about health, mobility, or caregiving responsibilities might lead older individuals to prioritize comfort and stability over new commitments. Choosing not to remarry can be an act of self-care, honoring their capacity and ensuring they live their later years with peace and dignity.
Blessed But Not Married Many couples find great spiritual significance in having a church blessing for their union, viewing it as a sacred act that reflects their faith and commitment before God. A church blessing can affirm their vows, invoke divine guidance, and solidify their bond in the eyes of their faith community. This blessing emphasizes the spiritual dimension of marriage—highlighting the vows they make before God and their church family—without necessarily involving the legal formalities required by the state. For many, this provides a meaningful and intimate ceremony that honors their religious beliefs while respecting their circumstances, especially in cases where legal marriage is not feasible or desired. It’s important to remember that a church blessing does not confer legal status or rights recognized by the government. The state’s marriage license is a separate legal process that provides specific rights and responsibilities, such as tax benefits, inheritance rights, and healthcare decision-making. While the church can serve as a spiritual authority to bless and sanctify the union, it cannot replace the legal requirements set by the state. Couples who choose a church blessing without a legal marriage should consider whether they need legal protections and, if so, explore ways to secure those separately. Many faith communities support couples in both spiritual and legal commitments. Still, it’s essential to understand the distinction and ensure that your union is recognized spiritually and legally if that aligns with your intentions.
Neither the Hebrew Scriptures nor the New Testament nor Jesus had the idea of a legal contract issued by a presiding jurisdiction, such as a state issuing a marriage license. The Bible is based on covenants between families, couples, and God.
Summing It Up: Your Journey Forward
Deciding when to remarry after losing a spouse isn’t easy, but understanding the rich history, biblical teachings, and societal changes can guide you. Marriage has always been a sacred, evolving institution that reflects divine love, societal norms, and personal growth. Whether you choose to wait, remain single, or remarry, what matters most is your emotional health, faith, and readiness. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Many have traversed similar paths, finding healing and joy in their unions as a couple. Perhaps the most important thing is you have a new life partner for the second half of your life. Enjoy your relationship as a gift from God to each other.
Guiding Prayer Loving Spirit of Wisdom and Peace,
We come before You with humble hearts, seeking Your guidance and clarity in times of decision. You know the desires of our hearts and the paths that lie before us. We ask for Your wisdom to discern what is right, what brings true peace, and what honors Your divine plan for our lives. May Your presence bring calmness to our minds and confidence to our spirits as we consider the choices before us. Help us to seek Your guidance through prayer, reflection, and wise counsel. Grant us patience to wait for Your timing and the courage to follow where You lead. Whether we marry, live together, or walk separate paths, may our decisions be rooted in love, respect, and a desire to honor You in all we do. We trust in Your perfect plan for our lives and ask that Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard our hearts and minds as we seek Your will. Lead us in love, truth, and faithfulness so that our choices reflect Your goodness and grace. Amen.